How to Control Ego & Anger?

One day I shared with my mentor the inability to control anger, arrogance or ego especially when I feel I am right and the other person is at fault. (This is almost all the times.  Though, it is my convenient assumption with my fabricated logics.)

I said, “I am unable to resist using harsh words or wrong language with others. I do feel bad sometimes after the behavior but still find some justifications to it.”

My mentor looked at me surprisingly and said, “But I have never seen you abusing or using bad or harsh words. Maybe you are too critical on yourself unnecessarily. Don't be so hard on yourself.” I answered, “No sir, in front of you or to you, I think many times before I speak and take lot of care of my tone, words / language so that I don’t offend you or anyone in your presence”

He smiled and said, “Then it is very simple. Whenever you are talking to people, assume you are talking with me.”  What a profound suggestion. Isn’t it?

I realized 'Isn’t it true that we take lot of precautions in communication when we are with someone whom we respect or is at a powerful position than us? 

We only become casual & callous when we don’t treat others as equal or don’t respect them. Think about it. ?

If the basic premise of our dealing with people is; I am superior, what does he know etc., then rude language and arrogant behavior is an obvious consequence.

If we put this belief in our mind that everyone irrespective of age, status deserves to be treated with respect, until they prove otherwise, we will communicate with them as equals, with respect and courtesy.

I decided to follow this and told him of my commitment. And then came the bomb. He further suggested that, “Controlling anger and staying humble needs very sincere efforts, you will fail many times. Next time when you behave arrogantly or lose your cool unjustifiably and realize your mistake, within 24 hours go back and touch the feet of the person who you have wronged or hurt.  Say sorry, with folded hands, clearly stating about what but, without giving your reasons or justification, plain admission and apology. If you follow this, the chances of you repeating this luxurious mistake will drastically reduce.” He further added, “I can assure you, if done seriously & sincerely your EGO, the very reason of anger will stop you to get angry. BUT your sincerity is a prerequisite.”

These two profound suggestions have really helped me a lot.  Lot has improved, yet at times old patterns do take over.

Yesterday in the Covid stress I yelled at my wife, for nothing really.

Now, I need to honor the apology drill with my wife today. I am thinking of doing it after finishing this article. Test time. Will I do it finally or not? I leave it to your guessing.

See if you would like to practice the above and see its impact on you.  

Think about it.