Compassion: From Passion to Compassion

In this current competitive world, passion seems to be a necessity to thrive. So much has been spoken and written about the importance of it and rightly so. However, the sign of maturity is when one attains compassion. In passion one may hurt others, but in compassion we help others. In passion, the focus is on self, in compassion the focus is on upliftment of the other. Passion is good and compassion is the best human virtue. 

What kind of a person would you want in your neighborhood, passionate or compassionate? The answer is simple, compassionate. Are you a compassionate neighbor? Don’t you think that the world today needs more compassion than ever before? Most of the world problem can be solved if people, especially world leaders, start practicing compassion passionately.

What exactly is compassion? As per dictionary, ‘sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others’ is called compassion. Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, mental, or emotional pains of another and themselves. 

Compassion is a heart quality. We all have it, yes, you read it right, we all are compassionate people and we practice it perfectly. Intrigued? Unbelievable? I understand. We all practice compassion daily towards our own selves, isn’t it? Have you not observed that how quickly we forgive our own mistakes? How easy it is to justify anything and everything that we do or don’t do? The sign of evolution however, is, when we start practicing it towards others too.

So, what is true compassion?

“True compassion is not just a passive emotional feeling, but a firm commitment founded on action.

Compassion is a step ahead to the feeling the pain and the need. If you are moved to take some action, you demonstrate true compassion. Compassion without action is just observation. Compassion is not just feeling for someone who is in pain or need. Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude towards others does not change even if they behave negatively. Through universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively to overcome their problems.”

It is about healing others. Completing your task without hurting others – emotionally, mentally, or physically. It’s a hard work! A warm smile, respectful greeting, gesture of care, help, any act of well-being for others same as to yourself is a sign of true compassion. Compassion is a sincere action driven approach to change the situation. If you are going to practice compassion, be prepared to take action.

I had the great fortune and privilege of meeting His Holiness, Dalai Lama, who in my view is the Himalaya of Compassion, an ocean of humility and a brand ambassador of humanity. He lost his freedom at the age of 16, lost his country at the age of 24 and for the last 56 years, has been living in India. He has been in exile and very seldom gets any good news about his country’s independence movement. Yet, you must have never noticed any fiery, aggressive, or hateful speech from him ever. His ever-smiling face, calm and humble demeanor has never changed. He is the living example of compassion. I sincerely admire his simplicity and compassionate attitude even towards his so called enemies. He puts it beautifully in his sayings too.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. 
Without them, humanity cannot survive.” 

~Dalai Lama

Qualities of a compassionate person:

• Sensitivity
• Empathy
• Sympathy
• Giving/helping/contributing
• Forgiveness
• Humility & Gratitude

Sensitivity: We are very sensitive beings, isn’t it? I get very easily offended by sarcastic tone, choice of wrong words, inappropriate gestures of others, but do I take care of these while interacting with others? I want others to focus on my intent/emotion (when I am angry) and neglect my words/behavior but do I provide the same privilege to others? We are excellent lawyers in case of own mistake and punishing judge in case of others. Funny, isn’t it?

Empathy: Has it happened with you sometimes that you found it amusing how someone was shaking head in a very rhythmic way and you were confused about the mental state of that person until you saw a Bluetooth headphone plugged in that person’s ear? You were making judgments on the basis of head movement without being aware of the music being played in head. Similarly, we don’t know what stories or experiences the other may be going through but we are quick to judge on the basis of behavior. We are often unaware of the pain another person carries inside. So, when someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, take a moment and think of this story.

Sympathy: A true story reported in a Reader’s Digest column explains this well. A father and his three children got on a bus in central London. The father was lost in his own thoughts, and the kids, being unsupervised, were loud and disruptive to the other passengers.

Finally, a lady in a nearby seat leaned over to the father and said, “You really need to parent your children better. They are so unruly.” The father, shaken from his reverie, says, “I’m so sorry. Their mother, my wife, just died and we are returning from her funeral. I think we are all a little overwhelmed. I apologize.”

Giving or helping or contributing: In receiving there is pleasure but in giving there is bliss, satisfaction, peace. However, is doing something for others a selfless act?

The answer is ‘Yes and no’.

Yes, because most of the times one must go through some inconvenience and sacrifices to help/heal others. One may not even get any reciprocation from the person who is helped. In that regard, it seems to be selfless. You got nothing in return, except perhaps inconvenience.

No, because whenever we are feeling compassionate, we act out of our own volition to help or heal. In the process we may feel inconvenience, but at the end we get satisfaction, which is much more valuable than instant pleasures. In a way, we trade temporary pleasure with lifetime satisfaction. Isn’t that more profitable? Think about it. Wiser decision for self. Moreover, when we operate out of our own volition to help, we do not expect anything else in reciprocation, not even a thank you and therefore we save ourselves from the vicious cycle of expectations from others. If we think from this perspective it is hugely beneficial act for satisfaction, peace, and tranquility. Not a bad deal at all. 

“Have we ever done anything exclusively for the other?” It cannot be. We always get some psychological, emotional, or spiritual return which are way beyond more valuable than material returns.

Forgiveness: Do you make mistakes? Of course, unintentionally. Do you punish yourself on each mistake or forgive yourself with a warning? How do you deal with other’s mistakes? Forgiveness is a human virtue which helps us to cleanse our system from unnecessary grudges and other negativities.

“Every unpleasant behaviour at a deeper level is a cry for help.” Think about it. 

Whenever anyone (you and I included) fears any kind of loss or helplessness that triggers unpleasant behaviour. Isn’t it? We can clearly understand and appreciate that in our own case, but the real test of compassion is, when we start practicing it with others too. Learn to forgive, retain the lesson, but let go of grudges.

Humility & Gratitude:

A compassionate person feels self as a conduit not as a doer and therefore is always thankful for all experiences. He/she does not label any experience as good or bad rather accept it as divine will. A heart full of gratitude can never boast or complain. Humility becomes a natural trait not pretention (people like me pretend to be humble). Humility is an absence of arrogance. Humility is the ability to see our nothingness and appreciate our minuscule personality in this vast universe.   

My take:

Compassion towards self is natural and compassion towards others is a consciously nurtured behavior. However, with evolution and maturity, when a person is able to see everything as part of self or connected with everything, then compassion becomes our natural behavior. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. In the case of family, we do practice it to some extent. Therefore, we need to constantly work on ourselves to go deeper and tap the connection where we feel one with this universe. Then we become compassionate not just towards human beings but plants and animals too. When we feel connected to everything, we also feel responsible for everything. We can’t turn away.

Showing compassion to needy and weak is still easy, but the real challenge is practicing compassion with powerful and arrogant people. “It is the enemy who can truly teach us to practice the virtues of tolerance and compassion” – Dalai Lama.

This Romanian quote aptly provides some basic steps to start practicing compassion:

“Live without pretending, love without depending,

Listen without defending and speak without offending.”

Compassion is an action word with no boundaries.

Disclaimer:

I would just like to clarify that I have not personally reached a stage where I can forgive my enemies and pray for their well-being too. Therefore, I cannot recommend this practice to you too. However, we are not dealing with enemies all the time. In fact, enemies are less, and others are more. We should at least practice compassion towards our family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. Can we do that much? We can certainly try. I have worked on myself and it works. It gives peace and happiness. Of course, do not stop practicing compassion towards self too. We are not perfect, and we shall never be. We shall continue to make mistakes, hopefully new ones. So, learn to forgive yourself too. 

Now that you have read my little understanding on compassion, please show a little compassion in assessing this information. Think about it.