We all get shocked when we hear about the depression and suicide cases of affluent and successful people. Isn’t it ironical that on one hand so called ‘poor & ordinary’ people sell their jewelry, house, land and even their organs to continue living and on the other there are some so called “Celebrities” who have loads of money & fame live in depression and at times even take this extreme decision to commit suicide? Why is it that such talented, committed, physically fit and rich people go through these feelings of loneliness (despite having millions of fans, family, friends), anxieties & depression? The feeling of ‘discontentment’ can be one of the major reasons among many other, I guess.
I watched one YouTube video in which the speaker was emphasizing on importance of commitment and not to get trapped in contentment zone. And I think the explanations were although quite motivating but were incomplete and can be misunderstood which may lead to ugly consequences. Is that so? Does contentment stop you from making efforts & progress? Or lack of contentment can drive you so crazy that you live miserably despite of all possessions and positions? I think we really need to look at this discontentment more deeply rather than just dismissing it. Let me try.
I am sure we all have those moments where we feel totally restless and upset with life. Sometimes these thoughts & feelings go away quickly, but other times it gets to the point where you have been feeling unfulfilled with your life for weeks, months, and maybe even years. If it becomes a chronic feeling, then we need to look at it carefully. Answer the following questions:
• Do you get hurt easily?
• Do you get angry quite often and easily?
• Do you judge others constantly?
• Do you also feel being judged?
• Do you judge yourself frequently?
• Are you suspicious of other’s motives all the time?
• Do you become restless and irritated easily?
• Will you consider yourself to be a selfish or self-obsessed person?
• Do you constantly find something lacking in your life?
If the answer to above is ‘Yes’, I am afraid you are suffering from discontentment and you must read the complete chapter now.
Most of us are in pursuit of happiness, isn’t it? Anything and everything we do or don’t do, purpose seems to be to attain ‘happiness’. Still, happiness seems to be an ever-elusive target. We hardly see people in constant happy states, isn’t it? Life keeps throwing different challenges at us and we get off balance.
Many see “contentedness” and “happiness” as one and the same. In many ways, they are. It influences happiness. CONTENTMENT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF HAPPINESS.
What is really contentment?
Contentment is a state of being peaceful and thankful for what you have and where you are in life. It involves acknowledging & appreciating small pleasures of life and living with faith. It is a non-complaining or non-cribbing state. Living with faith does not mean living idle. I shall explain it later. Of course, I am not saying you should simply settle for a life that doesn’t bring you joy.
Contentment does not mean not being Goal Driven:
To be a goal-driven person does not mean that you are discontent with life. You can be extremely content with life, with what you have, and with who you are. You accept yourself fully and still you can strive for goals and enjoy a challenge, and at the same time enjoy each moment of the journey with contentment. So, you should continue to dream, set targets and work sincerely – but just remember to be thankful and enjoy the journey of making it happen.
The strange thing about contentment is that it’s possible to feel fulfilled inside yet have outer struggle at the same time. That’s because contentment celebrates the good in your life while simultaneously working through the goals. Whereas happiness may come and go, being content is something you can continually maintain. In the contended state you become more productive and hence chances of you achieving better results are higher. However, in a contended state achievement or failure may not have huge impact on our happiness.
How to attain contentment state?
Well, this is the biggest question. Although it comes with lot of effort and grace but let me suggest few steps which might help you to get there.
Clarify your Values and Live by Them:
Values are our principles which we believe in. Values are our lighthouse which help in our decision making. Violation of our values makes us discontented. Therefore, one must check his/her actual values. We get to know our real values when they are respected or violated. Values are essentially what we care about most in life. They provide us with motivation, they give us energy and/or calm us down, and they give us a sense of fulfillment.
When your actions and thoughts are in congruence with your values, you can live authentically. Being your authentic self is ultimately going to provide you with a greater sense of contentment.
Accept yourself and your past:
Have you not seen people discontented with their height, complexion, education, parents and past events? What is the use of all this? It’s good to work on things to make better but being soar and resentful about past doesn’t serve any better future. Isn’t it? Being dis-satisfied with current results is okay but we must not become discontented with ourselves and our past. Learn to accept and appreciate the past. Let’s not crib or complain about something which either can’t be changed or can be worked upon. You and I definitely can’t change the past but maybe we can do something for the future in the present. Let’s do that with contended state.
Accept yourself totally with your gifts, talents, abilities and limitations too.A contended person pursues goals with patience ,peace and acceptance.
Remember to also focus on what you ‘have’:
There is no individual on this planet who ‘has’ everything. Something we all feel lacking in lives, isn’t it? But similarly, there is no one who does not ‘have’ anything. The problem with discontented people is they focus too much on what they ‘lack’ and forget what they ‘have’. Always remember your starting point in life, then look at the milestones you have achieved. My suggestion would be maintaining a “Thank You” journal and every day write down the “thank you” moments. Write name of people and events which made your day.
Focus on polishing your strength:
We spend a lot of our lives trying to change what we don’t like about ourselves. If we aren’t changing them, we’re complaining about them. We all have strengths and weaknesses too. I am all for working on our weaknesses, but one must not forget the strengths and must polish them regularly. We can improve our weak areas for sure, but we can excel in our strength area. It’s difficult to change the mentality that we have to be good at everything, but the reality is that everyone will have their weaknesses. Therefore, one must focus on what I’m not good at? It can be so much more beneficial and productive to continue developing your current strengths. Remember, there will never be a day when you will have no weakness but your strengths when utilized properly can compensate for the weaknesses too. Be contended with certain deficiencies in some skills, knowledge or some part of life. It is never absolute for anyone. Accept it and move on.
Being intensely involved with detachment:
As per Shrimad Bhagwad Geeta (Hindu Scripture) a contended person remains 100% involved in activities but is detached from the results. In a contended state you don’t bother much about the results as your actions originate out of choice not compulsions. I am sure most of us must have experienced it that when you are feeling great you will do something great. Isn’t it? But that activity was not the purpose but a mere consequence of that positive & productive state. Similarly, a contended state propels a person to focus on efforts without getting bothered or bogged down by results. What a blissful state that is, isn’t it? People with faith will generally attain this contended state easily as they do not operate out of their Egos (identities). You do your part (role) with 100% dedication & sincerity but once scene is over, you don’t remain in the role, you come back to your natural self. That is the reason these people can live peacefully and are productive too. They don’t get identified with their position and possessions. Contentment means stability of mind.
A contended person can easily be recognized by non-judgmental attitude, soft spoken abilities, gentle smile on face, forgiving nature and humility. However, like any state, it also needs to be checked and maintained daily until it becomes your nature.
